28.3.14
2.3.14
Facing the fear of God
I had a dream once where like most dreams, you can't convey the same experience of what was felt, you had to have felt it with me. In the dream, I was lying in my bed sleeping as I was literally but my bed was suspended in space while the earth rapidly fell beneath me. I could still feel the earth's movement, it's shaking and quaking as it descended into oblivion. While that happened I saw God's face and it terrified me with a strange fear. Not the kind you feel with a phobia, like when I encounter a spider and am frozen in fear because I irrationally believe my life is in danger. This fear I had felt when I saw God, or what I believe was God, was closer to guilt. As if those parts of my life, things about me that I want to forget, things I wish I had never done or said, my embarrassing moments, as if all those things were exposed at once. Every memory I etched out of my mind was revived. That was the kind of fear I felt. God was watching me and I had nothing to give him, nothing to be proud of.
Regret
"I learned from my regrets, therefore I have no regrets."
This was the advice given to me by a close friend when confronted with my tears of shame from mistakes I had made that were irreversible and left me deeply wounded. But he was right. All those wrong decisions I made had given me the opportunity to grow and provided me with the life lessons I needed to become who I am today.
As we grow older and hopefully become wiser, these mistakes become less common but being human we inevitably continue to make them. Since those life-changing words were spoken to me, its amazing how different my attitude is now towards the feeling of guilt for behaving badly. So I screwed up, what did this teach me about myself? Knowing the end-result of my actions, how can I do things differently next time.
Think of math class back in school. You would get marks deducted for answers that you got wrong. This wasn't to tell you that you're a failure, this was to help you understand where you can improve in your understanding of the question. Life isn't any different and why should it be? Without knowing where our weaknesses lie, how can become stronger?
This was the advice given to me by a close friend when confronted with my tears of shame from mistakes I had made that were irreversible and left me deeply wounded. But he was right. All those wrong decisions I made had given me the opportunity to grow and provided me with the life lessons I needed to become who I am today.
As we grow older and hopefully become wiser, these mistakes become less common but being human we inevitably continue to make them. Since those life-changing words were spoken to me, its amazing how different my attitude is now towards the feeling of guilt for behaving badly. So I screwed up, what did this teach me about myself? Knowing the end-result of my actions, how can I do things differently next time.
Think of math class back in school. You would get marks deducted for answers that you got wrong. This wasn't to tell you that you're a failure, this was to help you understand where you can improve in your understanding of the question. Life isn't any different and why should it be? Without knowing where our weaknesses lie, how can become stronger?
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